3 Things that are Stopping You from Being Content

Do you find yourself constantly chasing happiness?

The difference between being happy and being content is that happiness is a feeling we get when our desire is met, whereas contentment is a feeling of ‘enough’ without having any desire to begin with.

If you find yourself chasing happiness, soon you will realise that it is a never ending journey because we always want more.

Some people think that having more money is going to fix all their problems and makes them happy, yet most rich people aren’t happy.

Instead, get familiar with contentment. It involves being mindful and grateful for what you have, and you can choose to be content right now.

You can start by abandoning these 3 things to become more content.

1. Short-term Pleasure

Why do we seek pleasure? Because pleasure instantly makes us feel good.

Pleasure satisfies our needs and desire, but it also comes with a cost.

If we decided to eat that Fried Chicken tonight, that will cost us to go to the gym to burn it out on the next day. As well, if we choose not to hit the gym after an unhealthy meal, then that will eventually cost us our health.

Sometimes, we choose to go on a date or be with someone just for the sake of satisfying our desire to be with someone to feel accepted, because we don’t want to be alone, or we need that sexual pleasure, and what does that cost us? Our time and energy that we will never get back.

We might also have missed out opportunities to meet, connect with and build meaningful relationships with other people that last and exist other than just in the bedroom.

When we continuously seek pleasure, we will always be chasing it like being in a hamster wheel. The more we experience it, the more we want it, the more we chase it. It is a never-ending cycle.

What’s more, having too much pleasure also messes up our brain.

• When the brain is no longer obsessed with pleasure, its power can be used for something else that is more meaningful.
• When we constantly gain pleasure, we lose the motivation to chase long-term and bigger goals.
• When we continuously experience pleasure, it exploits our rewarding mechanism in the brain, causing us to lose excitement and rewarding experience when good things happen because the dopamine level would have been used up already.

In the picture below, you can see the comparison in dopamine level in drug users where they instantly got the spike of it (feeling good) only for it to drop (feel bad) afterwards.

Don’t get me wrong, it is truly a rewarding experience to be able to feel good and experience pleasure.

But there is more to life than seeking pleasure. As much as a pig enjoys its food, it also knows when to stop.

The more we give in to pleasure, the more, deep down, we lose respect for ourselves because we give our power away, the power of self-control.

The obsession of pleasure is what causes addiction problems. And that has cost people time, money, relationship and even their lives. 

We always want more of that dopamine boost, and it is never enough. It only is when you decide to stop seeking pleasure.

We don’t need pleasure to be happy. Having a purpose is what makes life meaningful. Everything in nature has its role to play, what is your role?

2. Attachments

Nothing in this world belongs to us. It was someone else’s before it passed on to us, and it will continue to pass on once we leave this world.

Getting attached to things gives it power over us.

As Jay Shetty mentioned in his Think Like a Monk book, “Clinging to temporary things gives them power over us and they become sources of pain and fear.”

The more things we own, the more problems we are likely to have. What if it breaks? What if it gets lost?

This includes both things and people.

We have no control over other people’s lives. People come into our lives, some might stay for a bit, some might move on. And that’s the way it is.

The more we are attached to something, the harder it is to let go.

Learn to ‘detach’ and you will feel free.

3. Expectations

“Want to be happy? Have zero expectations of others” – Gary Vaynerchuk

We all expect something every now and then. And most of the time, life doesn’t really work out in the way that we expected.

We ‘expect’ because we wish something would happen, something that we have no control over, so there is never 100% chance that it is going to happen.

When you expect something, you also sign up for disappointment.

When our friend or partner did not do what we expect them to do, we become disappointed and upset, which also harms the relationship.

Instead, focus on what you can control, and take action. 

You can choose to be content

These 3 things involve things that you have no control over.

On the other hand, there is one thing that you always have control over, your mind.

You can choose to focus on what you have, to be grateful and to be content. And nothing and no one can take that away from you.

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